Happiness expert: Emotionally secure people share these 7 traits – CNBC

Psychology and Relationships

I study happiness for a living: The most emotionally secure people share these 7 ‘quietly powerful’ traits

By Jessica Weiss, Contributor, Published Fri, Apr 3 202611:00 AM EDT

I’ve studied happiness for 15 years and interviewed thousands of people about what helps them thrive. The happiest people I speak to are also the most emotionally secure. 

Research shows that people with high emotional security have greater resilience, emotional well-being and relationship satisfaction over the course of their lives — all of which are factors that contribute to overall happiness.

Emotional security shows up in how you navigate uncertainty, respond when things don’t go your way and handle difficult situations. 

These are seven quietly powerful traits that the most emotionally secure people share.

1. They are okay with being misunderstood

Emotionally secure people don’t overexplain themselves.

For example, you might make a strategic decision that your colleagues misread. An emotionally secure person doesn’t rush to defend themselves or send a follow-up email walking through their reasoning in minute detail. 

They trust that their track record speaks for itself, and that not every moment requires a rebuttal.

2. They aren’t afraid to change their minds 

People will often double down on their opinions, even when they are met with new information, because they are trying to protect their egos. This is called “belief perserverance.”

Research shows that people who tie their identities to being “right” are far more likely to resist evidence that challenges their views.

But when your identity is not fused with your opinions, changing your mind doesn’t feel like you are losing yourself. Emotionally secure people understand that change means growth.

3. They have a high tolerance for uncertainty

Emotionally secure people are comfortable saying “I don’t know yet.” Uncertainty makes them curious, rather than anxious. 

This might look like being okay with not knowing what comes next while navigating a fraught career transition. Or having the confidence to develop a new product, even if you don’t know how it will be received by your customers.

Studies show that people who have a higher tolerance for ambiguity are also more resilient, make better decisions under pressure and excel at solving problems in volatile environments.

4. They aren’t easily offended 

Insecure people are constantly on alert, searching for perceived slights in every interaction. They might assume that anyone who doesn’t do the same has low standards or is naive.

Emotionally secure people generously give others the benefit of the doubt. They trust that if they are wronged, they can handle it with grace.

5. They don’t need to have the last word

Think about the last meeting where someone got the final word and it wasn’t you. Did it bother you? For emotionally secure people, the answer is no.

They never feel the need to dominate a room and conversations are not contests to them. Someone can disagree with them and they can move on without needing to “win.”

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